drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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