oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
