so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
