she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
