K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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