Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
