Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
