OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
