And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
