The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
