I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
