when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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