Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
