Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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