she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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