Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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