no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
