You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
