i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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