Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
