honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
