so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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