Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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