I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
