piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
