OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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