Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
