I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
