The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
