i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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