dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
