help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
