Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
