need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
