When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
