batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have fence marks all over my body
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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