jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
