five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
