Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
