She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
