is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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