i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
