ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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