Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
