"it" just moved
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize