Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
