We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
