I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
