Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
