I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize