Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
from now on my penis is your penis
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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