He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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