i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
