my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
