Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The air was thick with penises
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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