I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
