Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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