Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
