how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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