ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
