I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
