i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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