Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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