sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
