I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
