Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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