Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
