I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
