i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
