omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
