If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
