She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
