I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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